Well, I finally had a chance to see the much anticipated
"erotic" drama Fifty Shades of Gray tonight. I must be honest, I
never felt any urge to read the books nor was I particularly excited about the
prospect of seeing this film. What made me watch it in the end was my curiosity
about the involvement of director/video artist Sam Taylor-Wood. I enjoyed
Nowhere Boy, for the easy entertaining flick that it was, although I expected
something more experimental from someone who started out as well-respected
artist. This film will not help anyone to take her very seriously in the
future, although, in this case, I cannot imagine the source material gave her a
great deal to work with. Let's not forget that it is a project that was burdened
from the start with an ever-changing cast and various rewrites.
Dakota Johnson is suitable as the demure and inexperienced
Anastasia, but I cannot believe anyone could have been very convinced by Jamie
Dornan's portrayal of Christian Grey. What a curious choice of casting this
was. His sufficiently convincing role as a rapist-murderer in The Fall might
have been the inspiration, here he is uninspired, inexpressive and worst of
all, completely unattractive. His ostensible sexiness is something the film desperately
tries to make us believe during the multiple moments he randomly takes his
shirt off and in the scene where various female bystanders can't help but
express how incredibly sexy he his. To me it seems hardly surprising that there
is absolutely no chemistry between the two main protagonists. The sex scenes
are mild and often just plain boring, made even worse by the terrible dialogue
that precedes them. How can anyone in their right minds take a stranger
seriously who tells them "if you were mine, you wouldn't be able to sit
for a week"... Honestly, we are supposed to believe that Christian is a
conflicted man, but there is no expression of emotion in Dornan's acting that
requires us to do so.
But let's go back to what it is that makes most people go and
see this movie: the sex and bondage scenes. Everything feels like a caricature
created by someone who fantasizes about what S&M could be like, never the
real thing. I couldn't help but be reminded of Lars von Trier's Nymphomaniac,
which was ten million times as visceral as this film (surely a vital element
for a so-called erotically stimulating film). There are plenty of moments
where we are shown female nudity, although always "tasteful" (I would
say, to the point of being kitsch), but nowhere is there a penis in sight. How
could this even be called a heterosexual erotic film with this extremely significant lack?
For the most part it felt like an early-nineties film not dissimilar to
something like Indecent Proposal, swooning over the ridiculous wealth and conspicuous
consumption of its main male protagonist. Endless private helicopters
are flying us everywhere, while we stay in luxurious hotels and are given
exuberant gifts. This is what we women want, after all? The bad taste that all
these scenes leave behind cannot even be equaled by the even more
ridiculous scenes where we are made to believe Christian's sensitive side. Is
there anyone who didn't burst out laughing when we discover that Christian is
an accomplished piano player, who can't help but express his feeling of sadness
during midnight private renditions of various pieces of melancholic classical
music? What a profoundly vintage melodramatic feel this film had, with not a
hint of irony in sight!
There must be people leaving the cinema thinking that what
they have just seen is a risqué piece of art. To those people I just want to
say that there are many films out there that you should watch now, if only to
rinse away the taste of the expensive cheapness that has just been washed over
you. Watch Polanski's recent Venus in Fur, Shainberg's Secretary, or even
better, wait a few weeks to watch Peter Strickland's Duke of Burgundy, but
please, do us all a favour and do not spend any more money and encourage the
makers of this terrible film.
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